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Mar. 17th, 2016

yoochun, JYJ, car

I want to write a novel

The idea, the storyline (or most of it), the characters are all in my head. Tormenting me for the past year. But everytime I sit down in front of my laptop, I just sit there. Staring blankly at the blinking cursor, have no idea where to start.

Mar. 6th, 2016

yoochun, JYJ, car

I have a crush.

I have a crush. A humongous crush.
A little background story: A week ago, I applied for a job as an assistant in Fetomaternal division in OBGYN department of my university. As we all know, I wanna become an OB-GYN, so being an assistant is definitely a start (huge chance to be accepted as a resident). Long story short, I was accepted (YAY!) and began working last friday.
Now, back to this crush thing.
He is an OBGYN, he is the son of one of the professor there, he works in the department I am in, he is one of my boss, and he made me a blithering idiot. Not. Cute.
I first met him when I was a med student and he was a resident. I instantly had mad crush on him. He was/is tall, athletic, attractive, fucking smart (like seriously), funny, weird, and a gentleman. Oh my God. I can't with him. However, he was married with a child. His wife was a Malaysian, it is said that they met in med school.
So, yeah... I mean, no matter how insanely attractive he is, I can't don anything about it right? I'm not gonna dally with a married man. Nope. Nope. Nope.

However.

Just this morning, I got news that he was actually divorced. That his daughter was in Malaysia with his ex-wife. That it happened quite a long time ago. That he is currently single.
Oh.
Now.
I don't wanna appear unprofessional and I don't wanna cause any scandal here - one wrong move, and I can never be an OBGYN.
But... I just can't shake this excited, giddy, happy feeling I've felt since I received the story.

Oh dear God. Please, help me.

Dec. 20th, 2015

yoochun, JYJ, car

For the past few weeks....

I feel like I'm dreaming... sleep walking to be exact...

Imagine having 24 hours shift on Sunday, 7 hours on Monday, 14 hours on Tuesday and Wednesday, 24 hours on Thursday, 14 hours on Friday, and another 24 on Saturday. On repeat.

Like seriously... I can't even remember the last time I eat, like actually sit and enjoy the food, not just shoving down anything I can get my hands on because I'm in a hurry... I can barely go to the toilet.

I kinda enjoy this though.

Sep. 2nd, 2015

yoochun, JYJ, car

Life in general. Update.

My work hour is significantly better. A LOT better.
But
I have papers to write, research to be done, and a book to finish - or books, but who's counting?

I wear hijab and pray five times a day now... like actually five times, not just once or twice a day. I feel a lot better... I used to have migraine every other day, sometimes I got it for a week straight... I don't even get migraine anymore even if I have very little sleep - which used to be major trigger for headache...

I wasn't very religious. I believed, always believe, in God, I just simply was lazy to pray or thought that religion wasn't a big part of my life... As I grow older (I'm gonna be 25 this month), I realise that my religion teach me not only how to get into heaven but also how to live the life Allah has given.
In the world where everything becomes a problem and people think they always right, it teach me to let go... to keep studying, to keep working, to keep pursuing my dream, but also realise that everything belongs to Allah and everything will come to an end... I learn to let go... to forgive easily... to not feel lonely because He's always with me...

I sound sappy right? LOL

But that's how I feel... I feel happy with what I have... I can see what people have without feeling resentment - sometimes I get jealous, but I learn to be grateful for what I have...

Regarding relationship... I learn one thing from my religion... Be a better person.
People keep asking: why can't we find a good boy/girl anymore?
But, just like my parents always said to me, my religion also says: Allah gives a good person to another good person...
Instead of searching for Mr/Mrs Right, be one. Be the people you dream about.

We'll meet in the perfect time. When we are both ready. :)

PS: And I think he's just around the corner.

May. 31st, 2015

yoochun, JYJ, car

Yoochun. Enlisting.

Excuse me while I curl up and cry.

I can't.

Nov. 7th, 2014

yoochun, JYJ, car

(no subject)

I wanna fall in love.

I don't really want to be in a relationship... I just wanna fall in love...

Is it weird?

Oct. 22nd, 2014

yoochun, JYJ, car

Regret

You have some regrets in life. or one regret in my case.

I've always been thankful with what I have so far in my life. Family, friends, boyfriend(?s), school, job, etc...
I'm not saying it's perfect, it can use a little improvement, but so far I'm good...

However, I wish this one thing never happened. Ever.

Unfortunately it did.

One lapse of judgement.

And that was all it took.

Oh, how I wish everything was different.

But hey. Shit happens.

And there is nothing I can do except moving on with my life.

So, there it goes. Moving on.

Oct. 17th, 2014

yoochun, JYJ, car

I had some free days...

I saw this news about the newest WGM couple. Song Jae Rim and Kim So Eun. Since I had nothing to do, I decided to watch it...

Aren't they the cutest couple in existence!!!

LOL

I know it's just a show... and they probably wouldn't end up together... But a girl can dream, rite?

Oh, and Song Jae Rim is one VERY HOT guy...

He reminds me of Yoochun. They are both naturally sexy. Or maybe it's just me... ;)

Jun. 14th, 2014

yoochun, JYJ, car

Wow.

I pass my final exam.

Wow.

Wow.

Thank God.

Jun. 8th, 2014

yoochun, JYJ, car

The Exam of My Life... (at least my life so far)

SO.

I've finished the daunting task that hunt me in my sleep for the past few months... My God, that felt really good...

It's been two weeks actually... and the result is not out yet... it is said to be out on 24th June.... Damn that's long...

And I've been an emotional wreck for two weeks... But not for the reason I tell people... Not really...

Here is the thing. More often than not... I have my way of knowing things before everything started... It may come in a dream - I don't dream on daily basis and I sleep like a log, but if I dream, then mostly it's about the thing that's going to happen. It may also come in this strong feeling and it's hardly wrong - never actually.

Now. What makes me a mess is the fact that I have this feeling that I will pass this test - which came even before I took the test

However

I'm kinda afraid of another outcome... I'm actually afraid to be having a positive thinking about this... It's pretty hard to explain... But I just do... it's weird...

I just need to let this out of my chest. LOL.

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